I became pregnant with my first son in 1995. Everything was fine until about 19-20 weeks. At 22 weeks, I was sent to WVU Ruby Memorial Hospital in Morgantown, WV from my home in Maynard, Ohio. This is about a two- two & a half hour drive from where I live but they had a NICU and my hospital didn’t. They found that I was leaking amniotic fluid and we were given the option of continuing the pregnancy or not. By this time, we knew we were having a boy and hadnamed him Kalib Ross. We felt that our Little Fighter hadn’t given up the fight, we wouldn’t either. After being on bed rest in the hospital for two weeks, Kalib decided to come at 24 weeks and two days into the pregnancy. I had been having contractions before this but they were able to stop it, this time they couldn’t. Since there wasn’t much fluid, it was a dry birth and they didn’t want to give me meds and depress his little body anymore than need be. So this was a completely natural birth, which I do not recommend, especially when their little shoulder gets stuck! Kalib made his appearance on August 24,1995 with his Da and my mom in the delivery room and my dad hiding in the waiting room. He weighed in at 1lb. 7oz. We were told if there was no chance for him, they would bring him back to us but if there was, he would go to the NICU. He went to the NICU and we got to see him in his isolet and touch him through the portholes. After two days, his doctor came to us and explained that due to him going through contractions without fluid, it caused him to have brain bleeds. Our bodies can recover from a lot but brain bleeds aren’t one of them. She told us his body would start to give out and the greatest gift we could give him as his parents was to let him go. We called my parents, told them they didn’t need to come down but we were taking Kalib off life support. They were at the hospital in under two hours. We finally got to hold Kalib and the nurses took pictures of him for us while he was still alive. After my parents went to a hotel, they let us take Kalib back to my hospital bed and we cuddled as the little family we were. Kalib died in my arms as I told him it was ok, that I knew he was tired and he could go. It was the morning of August 27th and he was three days old. It was also the day I was to be released to go home but I wouldn’t leave without my baby. The hospital wouldn’t release him to my husband and I but they did give special permission to my parents to bring him home to the funeral home. My dad later told me that my mom never took her hand off of Kalib the entire ride back. Empty arms was always just an expression to me until I had to be wheeled out of the hospital after giving birth and not having my son in my arms. The pain was crushing, I had never before, nor since, felt such pain. It took me a long time to even be able to function, to find my new normal. The old Kim was gone, buried with Kalib, and the new Kim was someone I had to grow into. If I hadn’t found the local chapter of SHARE, I don’t know if I would have made it. They got me through some very dark times and in 2000, I shared with them that since Kalib couldn’t stay with me, he was sending me twins. His little brothers, Konnor and Kraig, were born that December 4th. They are now, not so little, 19 year olds. Having them gave me a reason to live and they are still my reasons. But they don’t take away the pain of losing their brother, nor were they supposed to. Kalib will always be our first born and there will always be a hole in my heart that can never be filled. I hope that by my telling my story and countless others telling theirs, newly lost parents will know they are not alone. There are many of us to help light their way out of the darkness.
~Kim, mama of three boys.
One year ago our sweet rainbow miracle baby, Aria, was born at 31 weeks gestation due to severe preeclampsia. Little fighter spent the first 38 days of her life in the Baker Regional NICU at Crouse. In the corner of nursery A was where Aria learned to breathe, eat, maintain her temperature and grow.
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When she found out she was pregnant with twins, Brittany Schmidt had imagined a perfect pregnancy ending with two babies at home.
But at just 18 weeks into her pregnancy, Schmidt, 27, went into active labor. She delivered her son, Arlo, who did not survive. Schmidt was told it was likely that she would lose the other baby, a girl, as well.
However, the baby girl remained in the womb until just after 23 weeks. On Nov. 8, Schmidt gave birth to Zara, who, at 12 inches long, weighed just 1 pound and 5.5 ounces.
'I would love to have my son here as well, but it's all in God's plan,' Schmidt said. 'I think Arlo had to go to give Zara the strength to continue on.'
Against all odds
At birth, Zara had a 50 percent chance of survival. Nearly 5 months old now, Zara remains hospitalized due to a plethora of health concerns. She has had a grade-two and grade-three brain bleed as well as lung development issues and has undergone heart surgery.
She also has frequent apneic episodes, in which airflow is cut off and the heart rate drops.
'If you've ever had to hold your child in your arms and watch her turn blue and not know if she's going to come back from it, it's probably the worst thing as a parent,' Schmidt said. 'That's something we've dealt with since she was born.'
Born at 23 weeks and five days, Zara weighed only 1 pound and 5.5 ounces. (Contributed)
But despite her current health concerns, doctors are optimistic about Zara's future.
How Does A Baby Grow In The Womb
'She's feisty,' Schmidt said. 'She's a little fighter, she pushes herself. She's pulled her breathing tube out on multiple occasions. They call her the chronic self-extubator because she'll just grab the tube and yank it out. They're really surprised at her progress considering how small she was.'
A new normal
Since giving birth to Zara, Schmidt has been spending as much time as possible at the hospital with her daughter, meaning she has been unable to work.
Baby Grow Doll
'She needs to build that bond with me and know that I'm there and I'm not going to leave her,' Schmidt explained. 'I'm not going to leave her in the hospital for two weeks on end and only see her one time.'
Until last week, Zara was at Sanford Medical Center in Fargo. Then, for her heart surgery, she was moved to the University of Minnesota Masonic Children's Hospital. It has not been determined where she will be moved next, which Schmidt says is just another in a long list of unknowns.
'The roller coaster of the NICU and premature babies isn't even a roller coaster,' she said. 'You're just being dragged. It's so scary.'
According to Schmidt, faith in God has played a large role in coming to terms with the unknowns of this journey, including what the next step entails. She says without her faith, she would be lost.
'That's the hardest part, the what-ifs,' she said. 'You never know. People ask me every day, when is she coming home, will she have long-term effects? And I don't know. I've constantly just had faith that He's going to take care of us, and He has so far.'
This experience has also opened Schmidt's eyes to the seriousness of prematurity in babies, a topic she didn't know much about before becoming a mother to a premature baby.
Brittany Schmidt, 27, gave birth to Zara at 23 weeks and five days. Contributed photo
'Prematurity isn't as talked about as it should be,' she said. 'It really is a big thing. To watch something come from that small, that wasn't supposed to survive, to where she is now, it's just incredible. I'm lucky enough to watch a baby grow on the outside like they're supposed to on the inside.'
Because of Zara's medical needs, Schmidt says she hasn't yet had time to come to terms with the loss of her son. For now, she is working on caring for herself and letting herself feel an array of emotions.
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'Everyone is telling you you have to be strong for your girl,' she said. 'It almost is like them telling you you aren't allowed to be sad because you have to be strong. For anyone else going through this situation, they should know it's OK to be sad. It's OK to break down. You need to. You have to cry. You can't hold everything in. I have to be there for her, so self-care for myself is just as important as being with her.'
Though Zara is doing well, doctors are unsure when she will be able to go home. Schmidt says that while this can be frustrating, it's part of the journey to giving Zara a good life.
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'It's a lot and I don't know how I do it some days,' Schmidt said. 'It's scary and it's hectic, but I wouldn't have it any other way for her. I would do anything for her. She's already proving how much of a miracle she is, and it's up to me to make this life the best I can for her.'
How to help
A GoFundMe has been set up by Shannon Chan, a friend of Schmidt's, to assist with Zara's medical expenses. Chan can be reached at [email protected] for any questions.
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